Happy International Women’s Day! (Did I already lose some readers? Don’t worry, I’m going to try not to be preachy or soap-boxey) Since this is a day to celebrate working women, I’d like to share my experience of working in field especially hard for women.
First of all, please know that when I express thoughts like this, I don’t want it to come from a place of hurt, anger, or insecurity. The reason that the word “feminist” leaves a bad taste in so many people’s mouths is that most often, the loudest voices are the most hurt and are trying to cause the most hurt. It is not my intention to yell and point the finger; I only want to make my voice heard for the sake of unity within the kingdom of God.
Being a woman in ministry means that I am often the only female at a table of men ministering to both men and women, or boys and girls. It means that I hear a lot (and I mean A LOT of jokes, supposedly made in love) about my culturally defined place. It means that I often question my calling and my gifts. It means that there are not many around me who are pursuing godly womanhood (because the majority are pursuing godly manhood).
On the flipside, being a woman in ministry also means that I get to be counted among a number of women who are boldly following and honoring God. It means that I get to have an important voice in advocating for those who would not be well-considered otherwise. It means I have the privilege of learning from and working with men who demonstrate Christ’s leadership. It means I get to raise up young men and women to spiritual maturity as they pursue godly manhood and womanhood.
The path I have chosen (or that has been chosen for me, sometimes it is hard to tell) has not been easy, and it has been a sanctifying process. There have certainly been times when I have sat in a room of men, and I am shocked that their well-intentioned leadership has severely neglected the women of the ministry. Once I was sitting in at a meeting (the only female) of youth leaders planning a leadership conference for young adults, and I kid you not, they wanted to make one of the seminars about being a pastor’s wife. I wanted to shout, “do you realize what kind of message you’re sending to ALL of the women at this conference? You are telling them that their only place in church leadership is by being married to someone who will do all the leading for them!” There have been other meetings where I have given an idea that is passed over, and a man repeats it later, and it is accepted by all as a great idea. I, and I’m sure many other women in ministry, can tell many similar stories. My struggle in times like these is to determine when speaking out would come from a place of insecurity of being overlooked, and when speaking out is actually needed for the women who are not being considered.
Again, I don’t want to point the finger of blame at men in leadership, nor do I want to chalk every struggle I’ve had in ministry to sexism; I simply want to draw attention to the fact that most men don’t realize when they are overlooking women. It is a blind spot for male leaders. They might not notice when the majority of their meetings don’t include women, but I can tell you that I always note when I am the only woman or among a small number of women. I can always tell when a man asks for my opinion or thoughts and moves without actually considering what I have to say, like he did his diligence to hear me but is going to do what he thinks is best anyway. I want men to understand how hard women have to work for a place at the table that should be freely open. Because that work (dare I say, fight) is so hard, I have had to act with a certain confidence that I don’t always feel. There is less room for error for me than for men. I won’t even talk about the word “submission” because there are so many layers to that word too often tossed around. Every situation requires a different response because my loving response has to change.
This Women’s Day, I am thankful for the women who have gone before me in ministry, who have demonstrated the beauty of being female and who have worked with men to be leaders of God’s people. I am also thankful for the men who have affirmed my gifts and who have heard my voice, acting as servant leaders in the example of Christ. I am even thankful for the men who didn’t hear me because it forced me to talk to God about how to honor him better and strengthened my faith in who he called me to be. Most of all, I am thankful for my heavenly Father, who sees me and knows me intimately.
Today, celebrate beauty and femininity. Praise the Creator who intentionally formed us to be female and who clothes us with strength and dignity. Thank the women who got you to where you are through their love, hard work, and humility. And finally, work towards unity and peace within the body of Christ by lifting each other up.
Hopeful Wanderer 